The sky was dark. But far away from us, the North Star was blinking bright…as if, it was asking me about someone. I was standing on the balcony, listening to the whispers of the silence. Suddenly, the cold breeze blew my hair, and it felt like…he came to me… I felt, someone kept his hands beside mine, and together, we kept gazing at the sky…

I kept chattering like that fourteen-year-old girl, but he only smiled. I talked so much, but some words remained unsaid…

Many years passed but his memories are fresh in my heart. I remember his face, his smiles, his jokes, his happy-go-lucky nature, his brilliance, his intelligent answers to teachers, his voice, and his eyes. In my sleep, I can hear his giggles, I can feel his presence.

I still remember the day when we first met. Dad was delaying in picking me up from the tuition. As a new admission, I was running behind the syllabus. Sir was teaching me some Algebraic equations, meanwhile, A came.

His name was renowned as an expert magician of love because he was quite popular among girls. I never met him before but secretly I was also waiting to meet him someday, only to know what was extraordinary in him, hah.

And the day came. In my heart, I developed a hatred for this boy because of his flirty nature. Idiot. What’s making girls fall for him even without knowing the true meaning of love? This time is for learning the Algebraic equations, not to learn the equations of love.

Little did I know that someday I would fall into his trap.

I was deeply attentive to my Algebra class. Sir was drawing some diagrams to make me understand the equations better. Meanwhile, A entered the room.

Sir stopped teaching me the diagrams as he became busy scolding A for his absence from the previous classes. I looked above. A tall, dark, and handsome boy. His curly hair was messed up in the air. That day, I first heard his voice and fell for it instantly. It still echoes in my ears… calling my name in my dreams.

But something was certainly there. In my mind, I could hear my friends’ advice, “A is a magician of love.” That day, I understood what was making all girls instantly fall for him. There was something that attracted all girls towards him. Just like the Pied Piper of Hamlin, he certainly had the power to mesmerize all girls.

After the scolding session, he came near me and sat right in front of me. And that day, my heart skipped a beat for the first time. It jumped as if it enrolled in the long jump category of our annual sports events. I feared if A could hear my racing heartbeat.

Meanwhile, Dad arrived. Sir stopped teaching me Algebra and told me to keep the books and copies inside my bag. I became busy following Sir’s instructions and he went outside the room to talk to Dad. A was observing me quietly and I was trying hard not to look into his eyes so he would know what was going on inside my heart. Suddenly, breaking the silence, he asked, “I didn’t see you before. You seemed to be a new admission in the batch. What’s your name?”

I looked at him and replied.

– “Oh, nice name. Hello, I am A.”

– “I know. I think, there’s hardly someone who doesn’t know your name in our batch.”

He smiled proudly, and oh, my heart melted.

The story began, only to remain an unfinished tale of love.

–

On the winter nights when there is no one around me, only the lonely street hears my stories, I come to the balcony and look at the sky. It’s full of stars, but, why can’t I find the star that I am searching there?

Now I wonder, was it love that blossomed between us? Did A truly fall in love with me or he was flirting with me just like another girl? I wonder if I was only a time pass for him like other girls or if there was something serious in our story of love?

Why did my heart keep telling me that I was special to him? I was not just his other flirt, but his first love, and perhaps, he was my first love, too.

Are we bonded eternally, and that’s why he came to my dream before the day he left us forever? Is this why we spent a good time together, smiling, playing, and loving each other for one last time? Is this why, before leaving me, he hugged me tight and that hug felt so special because it was his last brace of love for me?

When I got the news, I couldn’t believe my ears. Our eyes spoke it all, but there remained lots of words unsaid between us. I didn’t cry in front of others. Silently, I went to the washroom, locked myself up, and burst into tears.

How cruel our fate could be. What was my fault? What was his fault? Why did God call him so early?

I never found my answers, but I know, the friend I search for in every new person I meet, is him. A part of my heart still believes that he is alive and that one day, he will return to me.

Whenever the cold breeze makes my hair messy, I feel, he is calling me from behind.

Maybe, he wants to answer all my questions. That’s why, he comes to me in the loneliest hour of the night, gently touches my hands, and draws his kiss on my forehead. Caressing my hair, he leaves in the darkest of silence.

And I keep gazing at the sky…

(This blog post is written for SpeakEasy 3.0 hosted by Dipika Singh (www.gleefulblogger.com) and Ruchi Verma (www.wigglingpen.com))