Alone, or Awaken?

Whenever I feel overwhelmed,

Frustrated, and exhausted

For the consistent commitments

And the constant chaos around me,

I choose to be in silence.

I choose to spend my days alone,

With my lonely self, and my solitary bliss.

“What are you doing? Time is running like the flowing river.”

My inner voice keeps questioning.

It doesn’t stop even while I am asleep,

Or, trying to fall in the lap of mother sleep.

It keeps me asking the same question

Repeatedly.

Then, anxiety engulfs me,

Slowly,

And then, anxiety attacks strike me twice a day.

Taking a break seems like an offense

I feel guilty for not doing anything, productive, meaningful, that serves my purpose in life.

Or, helps me find a new purpose on the path.

Relentless discussion

I have to partake,

Endless worries,

As I have decisions to make.

Aging parents, I have to take care of them.

A childlike mother who is unbeknownst to her disorders,

An innocent father who believes in the goodness of others,

Disappointments are there, too, and heartbreaks find new definitions here.

Conflicts of thoughts, dilemma of choices,

Happiness is the word that peeks from the veil of sorrow

only at the time of eating, reminding that we have the essentials to live a life

Food to eat. Clothes to wear. And the House to take a shelter.

Meanwhile we find some time for music,

And as always, music keeps us alive from within.

For a moment, we forget our tomorrow, and live in the now.

I bring my half-finished books out of the bookshelves,

Immerse myself in those yellowish pages,

Build my lonely castles in the air,

And find my solace,

In the books I forgot to read,