(It is said that every woman meets a point in life when she becomes like her mother. At that moment, she realizes what she inherited from her mother and how she evolved into a woman she never understood.

A woman is in the continuous process of becoming and unbecoming. Sometimes, she can’t recognize herself as she becomes a completely different woman whom she always adored in her deepest self but never dared to unveil her in the light. At that moment of realization and revelation, she meets another woman, born in her, from her soul – Atmaja.

The word ‘Atmaja’ means the one who is the daughter of the soul or born of the soul. In my series Atmaja– The Pursuit of Womanhood, I try to tell stories of women who are simply ordinary; yes, there is nothing extraordinary in them or they don’t have any superpower to turn them into the role models who inspire millions. Yet, they are beautiful, they are powerful, they are precious because they are unique in their own ways.

Not everyone is born to prove their potential and capabilities to the world – some people love to treasure the simple and mundane lives they live because they want to devote themselves to something that they want to pursue alone, in a secret corner of their heart and soul.

This is the story of Nibha, an ordinary woman who left her teaching job for a reason that remained unknown to all because she never explained it to anyone. But all along her life, she has dedicated herself to circling the inner transformation. She celebrated her growth silently, portraying herself a woman she could adore and admire from the bottom of her heart.)

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“Maa, don’t you feel suffocated while spending the entire day inside this small house?” Nandini asked her mother. Nibha smiled, and then, she gracefully replied to her daughter’s question.

“Nandu, if you see this house as a small place where the four of us live under one roof, then, it’s only a building of brick and mortar, where there is nothing but four humans living an ordinary life. But if you open your heart’s eyes and try to see this as the home you are privileged with, you will discover it a million times, in a million ways. Every day, it will surprise you with a new gift, and thus, one day, you will fall in love with your home. That’s how we girls become the women.”

Nandini didn’t understand her mother’s words that day. Perhaps, she was too young to get the true essence of Nibha’s words. Nandini always wondered why her mother left the job as a teacher after she was born. While growing up, many times, she heard the conversation between her parents and she saw her father repenting for Nibha’s decision of quitting her job. But Nibha was always smiling, and happy with her decision.

In those days, Nandini was a kid but seeing her father going out every day, she decided that once she grew up into a lady, she would go to the office just like Baba.

And she followed his path. Following her dreams and ambitions, after completing her Engineering and MBA, she joined an MNC in a decent role. She became happy that her childhood dreams turned true, and finally, she became independent.

One lazy summer afternoon, the mother and daughter were sitting together. Nibha was oiling Nandu’s hair. Meanwhile, the same question came to her mind again, and she asked Nibha.

“Maa, don’t you feel claustrophobic living inside this house all the time? You go out for a short span only, and that too when I ask you to give me accompany on my shopping or movie dates. Even if you make up your mind to go out someday, you only want to go to the temples and ashrams. What do you find there, Maa? I haven’t seen you living a life of colors. Are you used to living with the monochrome tone of life? I am telling you, there are lots of things you missed out. Life is big, Maa, life is full of joy and love. I want you to live life like a free bird. Fly Maa, fly!”

Hearing her daughter’s words, Nibha smiled, and replied, “Who told you that my life is a canvas of monotony? One day, you will understand how colorful is my life.”

“One day, one day, and one day. I am tired of your answer, Maa. Since childhood, I have been asking you this question and you always give me the same answer. I don’t know when that ‘one day’ will come and I will understand the meaning of your words.”

Nibha only smiled.

After entering her professional life, Nandini thought her dreams were going to be fulfilled one by one. She was on cloud nine. Aranya, her boyfriend from her college days, was placed in a renowned Private Bank and was setting his career overseas. Soon, they planned their marriage and decided to settle down abroad.

Nibha was very happy seeing her daughter’s growth in her personal and professional lives. That’s all a mother could pray for, and that’s the only prayer a mother always makes to the Great Lord.

But life flows in the direction it’s destined, and our stories are written in the stars.

When Nandini had a miscarriage after ten years of waiting for the blessing of motherhood, Aranya decided to divorce her. At first, she couldn’t accept the news. At that time, she was dealing with an extreme state of emotional turbulence, and she was devastated by the mishap that happened. Wasn’t she waiting for her child, too? Only she knew, how many colorful dreams she had woven with her family.

“Family”, Nandu murmured the word. Didn’t she see the dream of having a family with Aranya? But soon after the mishap, Aranya wanted to part away from Nandini. Although it took time for her to accept the reality, finally, she freed him from all bindings.

That day, while returning home, she realized, it was Independence Day for her, because it was Nandini who found the freedom.

Freedom from Aranya’s constant harassment, humiliation in front of everyone in public spaces, trying superstitious rituals for having a baby, and most importantly, accusing the reality of her womanhood, every day, every moment. But now, she is free from everything.

“This is my time to fly again”, Nandini thought. She became happy to gain her independence once again.

She returned home and silently entered the porch. Nibha was watering the plants and humming a Rabindrasangeet. She saw her mother singing and taking care of the gardens after so long, as she was away from her all those years.

Suddenly, a thought came to Nandini’s mind, and keeping her bag on the couch, she went inside. She returned with the bottle of hair oil and called her mother.

“Maa, come, let me oil your hair. They are looking so dull.”

Turning towards her, Nibha said, “Oh, you have come?” Keeping the water can on the ground, she approached Nandu but didn’t ask her anything about the court procedure. Both the mother and daughter sat on the grass.

They both felt peaceful. The afternoon breeze, the fragrance of the flowers of the garden, and everything around them offered Nandini a sense of peace that she had been seeking for long. She breathed long to inhale the smell of the drenched soil.

While relieving with the hair massage, Nibha found solace in the realm of the touch of her daughter’s fingers. She said, “Nandu, you have been asking me the reason behind quitting my job. But I always preferred not to give you an answer. Even today I don’t want to give you any explanation, but I want to tell you something.

Dear, it’s not about how high you fly, it’s about how deep you are rooted. It’s not about how far you have come, it’s about how much you have transformed, you have grown, you have bloomed, and celebrating your journey from a seed to a tree. It’s not mandatory for a tree to offer flowers and fruits, some trees are born to offer a peaceful shade to the travelers who feel tired of walking under the sun, to offer a home to the birds that build their nests in the brunches of the tree, and to offer shelter to the homeless people.

It’s all about our perspectives on life. I always prioritized being a woman of my choice. I chose to leave my job, but I also chose not to explain the reason behind my decision to anyone. I chose to devote my life to the pursuit of happiness and peace, but I also chose not to tell anyone where I find them. I started spending more time inside the house as I wanted to see my home adorned with a million colors. I wanted to cherish the colors of happiness with my dear ones.

Every day, I evolved into a new version of the woman I wanted to become. Sometimes, I freed a part of me, and let go of my wounded silence.

We, women, give birth to a woman every single day. Inside us, within this homebody.”

An airplane went above their heads with a deafening sound, but the mother and daughter were busy watching the tailor bird sewing its nest with the leaves fallen on the ground.

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(This story is a part of #Storytellersbloghop season 4, hosted by https://auraofthoughts.com and https://mywordsmywisdom.com)