Happiness is writing the first script of your podcast and keep editing and reciting it to yourself until you find it satisfactory.

Happiness is recording the first episode of your podcast, and after hearing yourself speaking this way after ages, falling into tears.

Happiness is designing your podcast logo into something that describes your theme in the best way.

Happiness is letting yourself free and see the magic happen.

Happiness is watching the journey and whispering in the air, “Baby, we’ve come 20 episodes far. Time to celebrate!”

I opened my podcast on 9th August, 2020. I was so unsure about my success of overcoming the fear of social anxiety that I left recording my first episode then and told myself that let me wait for the best day. Well, that best day came exactly three months later, when I became desperate to come out of my fear of social anxiety and wished to hear my voice and see a glimpse my lost self who was a liberated soul.

I logged in to my podcast channel, and kept gazing at the red button with a symbol of microphone for long. There was written ‘Record’ just below that button. I can’t explain in words, how much it took me to press that button. My heart started pumping rapidly, my anxiety was increasing, my fear of getting judged was increasing, and some questions kept wandering in my mind at that time:

“What if I fail to speak?

What if I would be caught by stage fright, once again?

What if I forget to speak and get frozen in midway of the script?

What if people find my voice shaky, fragile, and not-so-soothing?

What if they start disliking me? And my writing? My voice?

What if I don’t find anyone to listen to the episodes, not even my friends and family?

What if my podcast will not be accepted and loved by my audience?

What if I fail, this time, too?”

So, my mind was busy in performing rock-n-roll with these questions that I found so important at that moment of fear and judgement, but after some time I realized that they don’t bother me at all. Right now, they are just a bunch of unnecessary burden to my mind that kept me away from starting my podcast and I waited for three long months.

Here is a glimpse of the episode where I talked about overcoming the fear of judgement:

So, it was my story before pressing that Record button. But, the scenario completely changed after I pressed that Record button for the first time. Once I gathered all my courage and dared to hit that red button, finally, I saw the magic happen! My fear was disappeared to somewhere, and I was back to my real form.

I had prepared my first script for the trailer episode of my podcast in the previous evening. In the next morning, I woke up with a tensed mind and fear in my heart yet I was determined to record the first episode of my podcast by end of the day. I came to my phone and logged in to my podcast channel. Then, I picked my script and started reading it aloud. Slowly, word by word, reciting into a rhythm of poetry. As I finished my recording and published it, the trailer was live! And see, I was beaming with hope and glowing with the joy of accomplishment!

Why not I call it an accomplishment? It was something larger than all my previous achievements and accolades. Because within that instance, I found a glimpse of my lost self. I was gathering courage to break the shackles of fear and judgement, overcoming the fear of social anxiety. After few days, I wrote the script of my first episode. It was a poem titled ‘Who Am I’, a poem on the theme of finding optimism and identity. I wrote it dedicated to all the gorgeous souls of the world who are afraid of taking the first step towards moving on. You can listen to the poem here.

It was something that I wanted to tell myself for long:

“Why are you sad for not receiving the things that you wished to have in your arms? Why are you holding on your past so much? Look, the hour has come, it’s time to let go the night and welcome a new dawn. You are hope, you are love, you are peace, you are light.”

It was the first step I took on that day, and now, we have come 23 episodes far. The journey has been an amazing one for me. I have discovered myself in a new way and I loved to speak after so long. Though I still feel a little tensed before recording an episode, it’s only for the preparation I take while doing the process. Gradually, I am overcoming the fear of speaking and I feel liberated after finishing the recording. When it’s all done, the latest episode is finally published, at first, I share it with my sister. After that I share it with my friends and family. I receive love from them all and thus, hope blossoms again in my heart.

Podcasting has been a liberating experience for me, as it helped me to come out of my fear of socializing, to recover from my social anxiety, to explore another horizon of creativity, to express myself through my spoken words. These, and a lot more; and thus the journey continues.

You can listen to the latest episode of my podcast here.

Please show some love and spread the word. I dream of bringing many more episodes to you. Be with me in this journey of hope, healing, and happiness.

Ending this post with a quote of mine:

(This post is part of the Cause A Chatter blogging campaign by Blogchatter)

(This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.)