Today is the last day of June and I’m here to tell you my story of how I suffered from low self-esteem, ended up with myself confined inside my room alone, and finally, rebuilt my empire from scratch.

The Turmoil Within:

When 2023 started, I thought it would be one of the best years for me as I saw hope in my life again. From October 2022 to December 2022, I consistently upskilled myself and applied for new positions in several companies.

But destiny has always played strange with me; there was no exception this time too. I couldn’t succeed to get a new job and slowly, I was immersed in depression.

When I saw myself drowning in the sea of despair once again, and things became worse in the first week of February, I stopped applying for jobs and upskilling.

Instead, I devoted my time and effort to creative writing – the place where I breathe. I started participating in Blogchatter’s Write A Page A Day challenge and wrote every day. Soon, I completed writing the first draft of my latest book in a span of one month.

But things worsened when I started a job search in May and couldn’t get the desired result. As a consequence, I started drowning, once again.

However, June, this one month taught me so many lessons, and today, I want to share them with you all.

Here are the things that apparently seemed bad at first but turned out to be good when I tried to introspect later:

I stopped talking to my dear ones for a week:

I wanted to avoid miscommunication as I was in the worst state of my mental health. There happened episodes of heartbreak and hurting before this month. Therefore, I chose to be alone for some days so that I could calm my mind and avoid unnecessary chaos.

That’s why, instead of accusing your loved ones of not being able to understand your problems, it’s better to talk less, spend time with yourself, allow yourself to cope, control your emotions, and then finally, gather the courage to overcome this phase.

I experienced poor brain health:

This was a first-time experience for me. Due to consistent stress, my brain started behaving weirdly. I couldn’t remember things, I couldn’t remember names, and even I took time to remember what I was supposed to do at a specific time.

In addition, I lacked concentration. I did things wrong. And most importantly, I took more time to adapt an instruction. My brain repeatedly told me to stop worrying and getting too much stress.

But I always ignored it. However, it was a wake-up call for me; thus, I became more aware of my brain health.

I couldn’t tick off more than fifteen things on my to-do list:

I always plan my month in the previous month. If that’s not possible, at least I plan the next week beforehand. It helps me to focus on my daily goals and do my jobs properly.

I planned around twenty-five things to do in June. Slowly, I started doing them one by one. However, depressive ruminations, negative self-talk, episodes of panic attacks, and crying for hours made my health worse – I suffered in both ways, mentally and physically.

As a result, I only could complete fifteen things from my June tasks and the rest ten things are still pending. However, I don’t stress over them right now. Let me focus on my health first. Work can wait, right?

I had insomnia and spent most of the nights sleepless:

Every night, I was continuously trying to remember my pending tasks while sleeping. Additionally, my brain nerves were so stressed that they stopped me to fall asleep.

I tried to listen to meditative music, read books, and even meditate before sleeping. But nothing worked and I spend the nights without sleeping.

The next morning, I woke up in a half-sleepy state and that made me tired and sleepy for the whole day. Thus, my productivity and physical health both suffered.

I experienced a new kind of emotion:

For the first time in my life, I experienced something different, where I was floating in the sea of purposelessness. I can’t live without purpose and this state of being choked my breath.

Being clueless about this condition, I talked to one friend and shared my state of mind. She told me to find something that interests me and stay engaged in that work.

I followed her instructions. Although in the beginning, I chose something else, gradually I shifted my calling to somewhere that became my newly found love.

Then, things started taking a 180° shift from the last week of June.

I started studying brain health, my relationships grew stronger as I could identify what went wrong, and learned about some new things that helped me reform my initiative.

Eventually, my sleep routine improved and I gifted myself hundreds of reasons to embrace self-love.

Meanwhile, I did something that was a long-waited work in my secret wish list. Since I started my storytelling initiative, I wanted to feature someone from the LGBTQ+ community and understand their beliefs, expectations, and life choices.

Fortunately, my blogger friend Anjali helped me connect with Umang Sheth, a wonderful person, and changemaker who is actively enabling change in society.

Having a conversation with him broadened my mind horizon and helped me rediscover some areas in which I have always wanted to work but somehow, I couldn’t do that previously.

However, writing the first three chapters of the manuscript to submit as a part of the assignments for the Ready to Publish program by Blogchatter, reforming my initiative with a new vision and mission, and buying my Dad his birthday gift bearing the half-half expense with my sister, June ended with quite a few personal achievements.

After all, difficult times give you a chance to look within and redefine your life in a new way.

Concluding Thoughts:

Sometimes, taking one step backward gives you a chance to look back, identify the mistakes, recognize your fear and weaknesses, and then, rediscover your strength to start your journey once again.

How was your experience in June? Tell me your story!